It might seem surprising for many of us, but sometimes wanting the ‘best’ for our kids can unintentionally lead to raising a child who struggles with selfishness. While all kids exhibit selfish tendencies occasionally, consistent signs might indicate deeper behavioural patterns. Identifying these behaviours early and addressing them positively is very much important for shaping a well-rounded, empathetic individual. Here are 5 ways to know if a child is developing selfish tendencies and some effective, actionable strategies to help fix them.
They refuse to share their belongings
One of the first signs of selfish behaviour is a refusal to share toys, snacks, or other belongings. While it’s normal for younger kids to be possessive, if this persists as they grow older, it could indicate a lack of empathy or understanding of others’ feelings.
How can it be fixed?
Teach sharing by modelling it yourself. Share your time, food, or resources openly and explain why sharing creates happiness for everyone. Introduce activities where sharing is a must, like playing board games or group art projects.
They struggle to acknowledge others’ feelings
Selfish children have difficulty recognising or empathising with others’ emotions. For example, if a child dismisses a friend’s sadness or frustration, it might be a red flag.
What do to?
Teach them about emotions and why it matters that they understand others’ emotions as well. You can do this by regularly discussing feelings. Use role-playing scenarios to help them imagine themselves in someone else’s shoes. Books and stories that highlight empathy can also make a big impact.
They complain when things don’t go their way
If your child becomes upset or throws tantrums when they don’t get what they want, this might be a sign of a self-centered mindset.
What is the fix?
Help them understand compromise by involving them in problem-solving. If they can’t have what they want immediately, discuss alternative solutions or set a goal for earning it.
They are reluctant to help others
Selfishness often shows up in a reluctance to assist others, whether it’s helping a sibling clean up toys or aiding a classmate in need.
Fix it:
Involve kids in acts of kindness. Volunteer as a family at a community event or organise a donation drive. Even small acts, like holding the door open for someone, can help them learn the joy of being helpful.
They expect special treatment
If your child expects to be treated better than others—such as always getting the biggest slice of cake or the best seat—it may signal a sense of entitlement.
How to fix it?
Use phrases like, “Everyone deserves a turn,” and avoid rewarding entitled behaviour. Praise them for showing fairness or compromising in situations.
