HigherEdJobs Sends Their Kids to College

Have you ever helped your kids move to college? What emotions did you feel, and how did things go? For a recent HigherEdJobs podcast episode, hosts Andy Hibel and Kelly Cherwin each describe their recent experiences of dropping off a child at college from their personal and professional perspectives. A summary of their conversation is below.

Andy Hibel: Recently, Kelly and I had a shared experience — separately — that we wanted to talk to you about. My youngest child and Kelly’s oldest child went off to college this fall, and within days of each other, we dropped our kids off and came back home to live in our reconfigured families.

When we first started talking about it, I wanted to be a good friend to Kelly, and to ask how she was doing. But then I realized we can record this and do the same thing. So, we want to share our experience of what it’s like to be a parent who’s consuming higher education information every day, but also through the eyes of a parent.

We dropped our youngest off. It was an idyllic drop-off. They were so excited to be there, and I can report that they still are after a few weeks. Thankfully, my wife and I didn’t have to drive far because we were staying close after the drop-off, and we experienced a lot of emotions the day of drop-off.

Kelly, you and your husband dropped your oldest off. What was it like?

Kelly Cherwin: I’m laughing because there are so many emotions that go into this. And I must say, Andy, I’m glad we did not have this conversation the next day because I would have been crying through it.

To say that it was emotional is an understatement. When we talked about discussing this on the podcast, I remembered that I got an email from the institution where my son is, and they shared tips about what to expect and words of wisdom. So many people have gone through this, and our listeners may be higher ed professionals and parents who have experienced this.

I like that I could gain support and wisdom from friends who went through it last year or before we did. The best thing I read was: Are you ready, or can you prepare?

I don’t know if you are ever ready or if you can truly prepare, because what I thought afterwards — as my husband and I were driving away — was that’s not exactly what I expected.

I’m looking at this newsletter from the university right now. One of the tips was to prepare for a variety of emotions. My husband and I drove separately because our son had so much stuff. I’m not sure, looking back, if that was good or bad because we both process things a little bit differently.

I do want to give a shout-out to the institution for having the drop-off so well-organized and like a well-oiled machine. So, I drove off, and my husband drove off. And yes, there were tears. What I was going through was different than what I was trying to prepare for mentally. I’ll get into more of my emotions and talk about the newsletter I received. But Andy, I want to flip it back to you and see how your drop-off was the first time versus the second time.

Hibel: That’s a great question, Kelly, because, for my oldest, the drop-off for the first year was in the fall of 2020. So, there was no drop-off. She left the house, took a car to campus, and drove herself.

We stood at the front window, waving to her in the middle of a hard COVID lockdown. She spent most of her freshman year taking classes and socializing via Zoom from her dorm room. She was also initiated into her sorority via Zoom. It was such a different experience for us.

This year, the school was amazing. It had an incredible parent orientation and a gentle embrace of the kids. First, all drop-offs were done by noon. When we pulled up to the residence hall, there were two or three dozen students ready to help us move. By noon, the whole campus was already having lunch. In the afternoon, they broke us off into student or parent orientation. On the agenda, there was even a specific time for parents to say “goodbye.”

At the end of the afternoon, they brought us to a giant lawn on campus in front of a gorgeous building. On the steps of that building, the president offered inclusive and heartfelt remarks as a convocation, as did the provost, who talked about her experience going to the same institution and what she experienced years ago in meeting people when she first moved there, including how she met her husband on campus the first few weeks of being there. It was just wonderful. At the end of the convocation, they asked you to find your student and say “goodbye.” And then you walked off.

Everybody was a little teary-eyed but just feeling good about the whole experience and the warm and inclusive embrace of the community toward this freshman class. As much as we miss our youngest, we were so happy that they had found a place where they had that experience. It’s a bit of an idyllic view of what I feel about small, private liberal arts colleges. That’s the hidden magic behind them.

So, Kelly, I don’t know if this happened to you, but my professional mind kicked in. Here, I am experiencing amazing gratitude and happiness for our youngest. I love being on a college campus.

I saw who I thought must be the resident advisor and asked, “Are you the R.A.?” They said “Yes,” and they wondered what sort of parent question would come from this guy. I said, “Oh, you have a great job,” and I did my best to just leave it at that. This poor R.A. was dealing with this irrationally exuberant parent just being excited.

I cannot tell you how many people I have met who work in higher education who fell in love with higher education through their R.A. eyes.

When you see these people and how much they care about the experience that kids have on that day, this is the first day of what they’ve been spending their whole lives doing, and to be able to deliver it that way is an honor to watch. And it was such a pleasure, personally and professionally. Thank you to the folks who do this type of work and make those move-in days special like they are. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. It creates one of those memories for parents and children alike that last a lifetime.

Cherwin: I completely agree. My professional mind kicked in, even leading up to the move-in. We got so many emails, and the university was great about communication. From a higher ed perspective, I wish all institutions were like this, starting that sense of belongingness and community before we even were on campus. We drove in, and these eager students came up, checked my son in, and told us where to go. Things worked like a well-oiled machine in terms of the drop-off and the kids helping my son.

They took him into the dorm while my husband and I were directed to the parking lot. When we got to the dorm and were helping him unpack, the R.A. came and introduced himself to my son. He was taken aback by the situation; everything was so new. But it was helpful that the R.A. came and introduced himself.

Having that experience of feeling welcomed and knowing from both a parent’s perspective and a higher ed professional’s perspective that he is in a good place made that drive home a little bit easier.

Parents who have dropped their kids off can understand this is one of the most exciting, difficult, emotional, and happy experiences, with all the possible emotions you could feel.

And Andy, as I mentioned, the university sent out a newsletter and as the director of editorial strategy at HigherEdJobs, I had to read it. I wanted to read about best practices and tips for move-in day. Let me know if any of these resonated with you.

The first was: There will be tears. The second was: Don’t expect a last supper. The third was to leave them something underneath their pillow where it would surprise them. Before you leave, make the goodbye short and sweet and prepare for a variety of emotions. And then lastly was self-care once you’re back home.

Hibel: All of those resonated with me. The one thing I would say that worked well for us was keeping that trip short. We went an hour and a half away. A longer car ride home probably would have done us in. But having that little bit of a car ride to process initial emotions and then having a nice dinner, getting some rest, and getting back on the road the next morning, as well as that self-care part, is important.

This is just the beginning of the first semester and parents are going to be relied upon for many different things for their students. You have to refill your emotional bandwidth to prepare yourself for what’s next because they’re going through so much growth and so many exciting and wonderful things. Everything is new to them. Everything that they held true a year ago is completely different as far as their lives go. Self-care made a big difference for us. And it’s wonderful how institutions communicate with parents nowadays. It’s very welcome.

Do you have an experience or advice that you’d like to share regarding dropping off or sending a child to college? Email us at podcast@higheredjobs.com or send us a direct message on X @higheredcareers.

Thank you for listening. Thank you for letting us share a little about our lives and how they intersect with our higher ed career paths. We appreciate your listening.