by Daniel B. Griffith, J.D., SPHR, SHRM-SCP
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Do leaders have the backbone to manage the bosses who bully in their organization? Do they understand the most effective methods for doing so? Dr. Laura Crawshaw, the Boss Whisperer, recent HigherEdJobs Podcast guest, and author of “Grow Your Spine & Manage Abrasive Leadership Behavior: A Guide for Those Who Manage Bosses Who Bully,” offers refreshingly sound and much underutilized guidance on this subject.
Who is an abrasive leader? While common terms are “bully” and “bully boss,” describing a person this way immediately puts them on the defensive. It is also a label without clear definition, particularly in the U.S. where no universal law governing workplace bullying exists. She describes “abrasive leader” as “any individual charged with formal or informal authority whose interpersonal behavior causes emotional distress in coworkers sufficient to disrupt organizational functioning.” While this encompasses behaviors typically associated with bullying such as intimidation, verbal abuse, public humiliation, ignoring/excluding, and overcontrolling/micromanaging, they are essentially “workplace behaviors that demean, demoralize, and demotivate” and that “have one thing in common: they are unacceptable.”
Leaders would do well to take seriously Dr. Crawshaw’s guidance and perspectives about who abrasive leaders are, what motivates their behavior, and how to respond. Her insights may come as revelations to many who are accustomed to, and weary of, traditional, and generally punitive, methods for “dealing with” these individuals. Consider:
Abrasive leaders are human. Dr. Crawshaw notes that, contrary to popular books on bullying, most abrasive leaders are not crazy or evil, nor do they “suffer from personality disorders.” Rather, she states, based on years of coaching them, “I discovered they are afraid — afraid of being perceived to be incompetent.” When their self-perception of competence is threatened, “they experience intense anxiety (insecurity) and defend against that threat with aggression.”
Dr. Crawshaw differentiates abrasive leader behaviors from bullying in that abrasive leaders generally intend no harm. Rather, they are either unaware their behavior is abrasive or injurious to others or unaware of the degree to which specific behaviors caused harm or pain. It is helpful to understand that “we all can be abrasive” and that abrasive behavior is “a human condition.” It, therefore, requires a different response than the typical punitive response often implemented within organizations. But it does require a response.
Managers have a duty to intervene and hold abrasive leaders accountable. Dr. Crawshaw carries the analogy of the book’s title to the concept of “vertebrate” and “invertebrate” responses. She outlines a series of “vertebra” in the “Management Backbone” to help managers work with abrasive leaders. These reinforce their responsibilities to support and hold employees accountable for performance and conduct, determine what performance and conduct are acceptable and unacceptable, defend the team and the organization against unacceptable conduct, and act accordingly to address such conduct. Dr. Crawshaw counters typical “spineless” excuses for not fulfilling these obligations, such as “it’s just a personality conflict,” “nobody’s perfect,” and “it’s just his style” and unequivocally asserts that the job of manager “means you’re responsible for managing abrasive interpersonal behavior, otherwise known as unacceptable conduct.”
Intervening does not require formal investigations and “evidence” of unacceptable conduct. Typical “spineless” rationale offered by managers, and perhaps the institutional representatives who advise them, is that there must be concrete, incontrovertible evidence of inappropriate behavior before they can approach an abrasive leader. Such responses are demoralizing to employees who bring forth, often at great personal and professional risk, credible information of observations and experiences regarding their leader only to be advised that nothing can be done.
Instead, among Dr. Crawshaw’s “vertebra” is that as a manager, “my perceptions prevail” and, therefore, “I have a duty to act on my perceptions.” This means that when initiating intervention with abrasive leaders, managers can confidently rely on their “direct perceptions” of inappropriate conduct and consistent “indirect perceptions” reported by others to them. These perceptions, and the manager’s conversations with an abrasive leader about them, need not have the gravity of an evidentiary proceeding to “convict” the offender when more proactive, supportive approaches are called for.
Addressing abrasive conduct need not, and most often shouldn’t, involve disciplinary action. When organizations and their leaders aren’t ignoring abrasive behaviors, they often respond through punitive measures, such as progressive discipline. Dr. Crawshaw instead suggests, upon initiating intervention and creating awareness of unacceptable conduct, that the manager offer the abrasive leader help in the form of mentoring or specialized coaching.
“Grow Your Spine” describes the process and provides concrete examples of the coaching process. It involves inviting the abrasive leader to engage in “action research” to determine the negative perceptions others have of their behaviors, what causes them, and what strategies will help eliminate them. It also includes obtaining feedback from others and facilitating meetings with the leader to talk through concerns and identify and initiate different, more positive behaviors and interactions.
Dr. Crawshaw further offers strategies for responding to the abrasive leader’s resistance to support. She doesn’t rule out the need for disciplinary action but notes that specialized coaching frequently leads to “demonstrable improvement in the leader’s interactions,” making discipline unnecessary. What is essential is the manager’s persistence in holding the abrasive leader accountable, regardless of their decision to accept support or not. They must continually “have the courage to exert pressure to motivate change.”
There is hope for abrasive leaders and the employers who retain them. In the podcast, Dr. Crawshaw states that 82% of abrasive leaders who have been coached can turn their management styles around to acceptable levels of behavior. She notes that employers owe it to their abrasive leaders to sit them down, talk with them, and ask them to address their behaviors. Yet they don’t know how to do this or are afraid to. But when they “get a backbone” and adopt the right approach, there is hope for returning otherwise effective leaders to acceptable behavior, retaining them, and restoring civility, respect, and productivity to the workplace.
