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Research suggests that, on a monthly basis, more than half of student affairs professionals support students who are experiencing a traumatic moment. As meaningful and vital as this work is, it can be demanding, emotionally consuming, and taxing. It’s imperative that we find sustainable ways to extend ourselves compassion — for the sake of our personal well-being and also so that we can continue to extend it outwards and do what brought us to higher education in the first place. But where can you start?
Acknowledge What’s at Stake
The 2024 Healthy Minds Study reports that around 35% of faculty and staff say that, to some extent, supporting students in emotional distress has taken a toll on their mental and emotional health. We may find ourselves consumed by a desire, or defeated by an inability, to remedy our students’ situations. Empathy and ongoing exposure to our students’ trauma put us at risk of experiencing vicarious trauma, burnout, and compassion fatigue. The associated health consequences, when combined with an increasingly challenging higher education climate, require that we develop intentional care practices. Otherwise, we may reach a point of exhaustion, overwhelm, and resentment that leaves us feeling cynical, with a sense that our work is meaningless. When we’re depleted, those we support and collaborate with are also affected. It’s not that we should avoid empathy or distance ourselves from our students’ hardship; rather, we need to find balance and tend to ourselves. We can start by focusing on what’s within our control and developing an ongoing practice of compassion, which can help keep us centered and has been demonstrated to prevent burnout.
Cultivate Self-Awareness
While compassion is about extending care outwards, psychology researchers Lisa M. Yarnell and Kristin D. Neff define self-compassion as when “one is emotionally supportive toward both the self and others when hardship or human imperfection is confronted.” For Candace Harrinarine, who oversees victim services at a public university, the importance of self-awareness can’t be overstated. For her, advocacy work is a pendulum with highs and lows. Getting back to center starts by paying attention to our emotions and listening to and knowing our bodies, which respond to pressure. Harrinarine says, “If we don’t know ourselves, we’re not going to be able to get through the tough moments.” She recommends asking yourself:
- What triggers stress in my work?
- How do I typically respond? Is this helpful or harmful?
- What habits help me feel centered?
- How many hats am I wearing? Do I need support or to say no?
- What matters most to me (at and beyond work)? What contributes to or threatens this?
Then, unearth the whys behind your answers. Through introspection, one may discover that emotions initially chalked up to a frustration with limited institutional resources to adequately support a student are actually connected to a past event. Emotions are heightened because the student’s situation resurfaces the powerlessness one felt witnessing a similar situation. This doesn’t erase the past, but offers clarity and distinguishes old wounds from the moment we’re in. Through self-awareness and extending ourselves grace, we ready ourselves to show up for and respond to others with compassion.
Reflection journals are also useful tools. “Re-read what you wrote a month or year ago, find trends,” Harrinarine says. “Use that to make adjustments for the next time your pendulum swings low.” By revisiting journal entries, she connected annual patterns in her mood and health to specific times of the semester. This understanding allowed her to schedule time away in advance to regroup.
Develop a Self-Care Practice
“If you’re always helping, helping, helping, eventually your cup will go empty,” Harrinarine says. To care for and replenish that cup:
- Take a breather. In a moment of distress or overwhelm, go outside for fresh air. Get out of your workspace. Movement and intentional breathing help.
- Be gentle with yourself. When you feel like you’re not doing enough for your students, acknowledge that to have limitations is to be human. When you feel you’re not doing enough for yourself, “do not be hard on yourself,” Harrinarine advises, “just keep trying.”
- Be honest about your limits. Keep sight of what matters most to you and let this inform how you spend your energy and time. Do you need to check your email every two minutes or will you get a call if something is really an emergency after hours?
- Talk to someone. Find people you can trust and confide in. Know that you can express your emotions around something without revealing confidential information.
- Experiment. Find what works for you and consider that wellness is multidimensional. What promotes your physical, mental, social, emotional, and spiritual well-being?
Extend Compassion Outwards
Extending compassion builds on the practices mentioned above, especially paying attention and asking questions. Thupten Jinpa, the Dalai Lama’s main English translator, outlines compassion’s three primary components. The first is understanding, the second is feeling, and the third is desiring to help the other through their situation. Listening with care, being curious and open, and withholding assumptions and judgment all help deepen understanding and develop empathy. Harrinarine says that what many people really want is “to know they’re valued and cared for.” Your tone, body language, and focus can all indicate your care. Your words and actions demonstrate you’re taking the concern at hand seriously and want to be supportive.
Supervisors play a critical role in fostering a culture of care and supporting staff. If you’re in this position, Harrinarine recommends making sure your staff has time and space to process, being pro-active about offering check-ins, maintaining a realistic understanding of your team’s capacity, and advocating for them when demands are unreasonable. “Maybe you can’t increase salaries, but you can share institutional and local resources, reaffirm your team’s value, and make ways for people to rejuvenate themselves.” Being honest about the challenges of your work and open about your commitment to self-compassion also helps normalize and promote healthy, sustainable behaviors.
